Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Starting Over

This morning Chris and I drove an hour to our recently purchased home to do some "minor projects". As always with home improvement projects 'minor' translates into 'major'. And as we stood surrounded by piles of old molding, a mound of recently torn out vinyl flooring, and an even larger pile of old carpeting - Chris inquired: "Are you sure you're ready to start over"?

We've been through this game before. When we purchased our previous home it was literally like stepping into a time machine. Green shag carpet, faded blue walls, yellow floors - you name it. We basically gutted the entire townhouse and started over - room by room.

Pretty much that's the same story with our new place. Except, this time it's more like stepping into Tim 'the tool man' Taylor's workshop. I can't say 'everything', but pretty much everything needs to be redone. Re-everything-ed. This is the type of space that takes vision. Like, put-on-your-working-pants vision.

So, today, that's exactly what we did. Not the glasses part. The pants part. We put them on and worked for hours until Chris stopped to ask that simple, yet semi-nervous, question. "Are you ready"?

"I'm ready", I proclaimed boldly (and semi-dramatically).

There's a small part of me that wonders what we've got ourselves into - I'm not gonna lie about that. It hasn't been exactly 'easy' to renovate a home that's been vacant for a year, especially when you factor in that we have a VERY small child and limited resources as far as babysitting goes. The good news: we're not giving up. Not even close. If it was easy we wouldn't learn a thing. Where's the fun in that?

And speaking of learning. Today I went around the house, vacuum in hand, and sucked up all the dead bugs. Yup, me. ME! If you know me at all, even a tad bit, you should know how I feel about all things creepy crawly, even creepy fly-ee. I hate them. No, I loath them. All of them. I don't care what they do for the environment. I don't care if spiders eat all the "bad things". I don't care what pollinates what and if we'd all go extinct without them - I don't like them. Not butterflies nor roly-poly. They are not cute. They are not pretty. Get them off, get them out! Therefore, today (in my own bug hating mind) I'm a hero. I'm courageous! The fact that 2 days ago I mustered up the courage to spay for them, and today I had the courage to clean them up - in my book - scratches of an entire section of my bucket list. Forget climbing Everest, I just sucked up Charlotte.

All kidding aside, I've literally not slept in over a week thinking about the Motel our 'home' has become to only God knows what kind of creatures in the year it's been vacant. I've literally had nightmares about it every night. I've woken up and stayed up for hours thinking about it. In all, I'm a wuss. BUT NOT TODAY! And I decided it's part of my "growth". As simple and 'dumb' as it all sounds - it's real to me. I have a very real fear/anxiety over this issue. And instead of running the other way I'm determined to march forward.

Obviously, since we've sprayed and started our work, most everything has left. I think I saw one spider today and 2 crawly things - all dead. There's hope. Not only for the house but for me. I really hate fear. I want no part of it. I hate that I cringe at the thought of a butterfly coming anywhere near me and I'm determined to change that. I want to just make up my mind that I'm not afraid and just not be. I'll work on that. I already have. Chris didn't help me kill one thing today. Go me.

See, I'm ready. I'm ready to take on this house. It already looks better. The bugs have been sprayed, the old flooring has been removed, the entire house has been professionally cleaned - and it sparkles - new carpet, drywall repairs, and paint are all coming in the next week.

Very soon, this house will be like new. And during it all both Chris and I... and maybe even K too, will be changed as well. I know it's already begun in me. I'm determined to learn something from every situation through all of this. I'm tired now, exhausted even. but the reward is well worth the hard work - in everything. In mind and in body.

I can't wait to show K the scrapbook of us making this home for us. I want her to see that it can be fun to face her fears. That not everything comes easy, but there's reward in hard work. And that having everything is nothing compared to enjoying what you have already. I want her to live simply and fully.

One thing Chris and I always do to try to accomplish this goal of living simply is buying re-sale. Everything but food and toiletries, really. We all get 'new' wardrobes from re-sale shops. Even K. In fact, everything 'new' she has was purchased from someone else, including her toys. Some people call me cheap, I call myself resourceful. And I can guarantee you'd never know I didn't pay full price.

Like Saturday. Chris and I found this great new place just north of 18 mile on Hayes. It's called "From my home to yours". She stocks all furniture purchased from estate sales. For less than 1/2 the price of retail, Chris and I picked up a Buffet for our dining room that looks virtually brand new. I say this not to brag but to inform. Take advantage. It might take a little longer to find what you're looking for...but you'll save major $$ later. In return, you'll have more money for the things that really matter - like that priceless vacation you've been dreaming of all year!

*cheers* To enjoying the small things and spending less on the big things!!!


Jackie said...

I love your blogs!!!! They are amazing!!! and i cant wait to see all the pics of the new home when it is done!!